Good morning world.
I fell asleep last night having a bit of an anxiety attack. i realize going off to college is a good thing that most people my age do and that if i want to really find who I am and who I want to be that i need to go and do it... but you all have no idea how much like self confidence i lack. I really want to feel and know that I can go to college and I can do a good job and pass all my classes and not fail out... and on top of that i want to know that i wont follow people i get involved with down there i want to try and be a leader.... show people my age you dont need to celebrate things in life with alcohol and drugs.
i dont know, i am just really nervous that on my own i wont be able to make it... its been me and my whole family and all of my friends for all of my life and thats just what im used to and what i have really come to love, being alone for five months is going to be insanely difficult for me... i mean i know i will most likely make friends but none like the friends i have right here at home.
Whenever i try to get all of these mixed feelings out all i get from people is, "amber go for it." or "amber it'll be good for you... something that you should really give a try." i understand all that... i do, but i just want to be reassured that its normal to be nervous and that its okay to be scared being taken out of your normal element.
But then on the complete flip side of all that.... i really want to get outta here... like i dont know how much longer i could take my mom being crazy angry all the time and her and my dad getting into little arguments or lizzy being all upset about it and i dont know i just really need to remove myself from all the negativity here at home. I'm one of those people who is always smiling and always trying to keep others smiling, being around all of this anger makes it hard to keep people happy and i cant handle that...
Anyway, I leave tomorrow morning at 6:30am... needless to say i dont know how i really truly feel... i didnt even think id get this far. Hopefully i'll keep things updated on here and let anyone whos reading know how things turn out for me.
<3
Amber
