-Clarice Precious Jones.
You ever think that its weird how sometimes it takes a movie made in Hollywood for us to just stop and think and look at whats happening in the world?
Tonight I watched the movie Precious. I knew when I saw the trailer for it, that it would hit something inside me that I just couldn't explain. This movie made me laugh, think, cry, angry, and depressed... but I absolutely loved it. Apart from the wonderful acting, (and I really mean wonderful, I never thought I could hate Mo'Nique but I really wanted to hit her because she played the mother so well), I know that there are girls out there everywhere who are going through or have gone through or who haven't made it through everything Precious goes through in this movie. Actually I'm pretty positive that there are people who could have gone through even worse situations. That really just breaks my heart. I can't think of one person who deserves to be beaten, raped, told they are dumb and incapable of learning, blamed for getting raped and made to feel bad about it. I don't even know if that last sentence made sense, but just those things mentioned no one should have to go through... NO ONE!
Even apart from the physical things people are put through, this movie brings up an other huge issue that everyday people deal with, self image. At one point Precious says she wished she was light skinned with long hair and really skinny... her teacher tells her thats not real beauty and that she is beautiful... and eventually she believes it. But theres and other part where she is doing her hair in the mirror and she see herself as the super skinny light skinned girl with long hair. At that point in the movie I just wanted to give her a huge hug! A few scenes later and guy calls her "orca" and then she gets pushed onto the ground. Theres an other scene where she writes the letter F on the black board and an other girls says "F for FAT". Precious smacks her in the side of the head, (which I totally think the girl deserved... thats just plain rude)!
Anyway the point to the self image rant is just how it makes me think about all the people who go through that, the fact that I deal with that myself. I know I am not at a healthy weight for myself and that I am out of shape. I also know my teeth are perfectly strait and that yes, my hair is kinda frizzy... but you know what... when it comes down to it I'm 100% okay with who I am. I have beauty that is deeper than that, even if that sounds super corny. I am funny, I care for ever single person I meet, and I am intelligent and in my book that makes me beautiful. :] Also I'm currently listening to Mirror by BarlowGirl on repeat right now and I'm going to share the lyrics with you:
Mirror mirror on the wall, have I got it?
'Cause mirror you've always told me..
Who I am. I'm finding it's not easy
To be perfect
So sorry, you won't define me
Sorry, you don't own me
Who are you to tell me that I am less than what I should be?!
Who are you?
Who are you?
Yeah, yeah
I don't need to listen to the list of things I should do
I won't try. No no no, I won't try
Mirror I am seeing a new reflection
I'm looking into the eyes of he who made me
And to him I am beauty beyond compare
I know, he defines me. Yeah yeah
Who are you to tell me that I am less than what I should be?
Who are you?
Who are you?
Yeah, yeah!
I don't need to listen to the list of things I should do
I won't try, no, I won't try
You don't define me
You don't define me
You don't define me
You don't define me
Who are you to tell me that I'm less than what I should be?
Who are you?
Who are you?
Yeah, yeah!
I don't need to listen to the list of things I should do
I won't try, No
I won't try
Yeah, yeah
Who are you to tell me I'm less than what I should be?
Who are you?
Who are you..?
Yeah, yeah!
I don't need to listen to the list of the things I should do
I won't try, no, I won't try
I think this song could do wonders for anyone struggling with self image issues, because its true. No mirror can define anyone, only you can define yourself. Everyone is beautiful, period.
To sum up this blog, that is way longer and not quite was I was going for, I send my heart, love, and prayers to anyone who is out in this world and feels worthless or unloved. No one deserves to feel like that or to be treated like that. Every single person matters and I wish I could tell that to anyone who feels that way. I wish I could help anyone struggling to just make it through the day. And to be honest, it would help me. Help me see that even if I complain about things that are happening in my life... I have a place to call home. I have a family that loves me. I have so many things I take for granted... and I wish I could share all of that with anyone who doesn't.
So thank you to Sapphire for writing the book Push, and thank you to Lee Daniels for directing the movie. You guys have really opened my eyes and inspired me to be something great. Thank You.
Okay,
Good night :]
<33 Amber
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
A little late, but here it is!
Hey guys, sorry I havent blogged in a while... I wrote one a word document like two weeks ago when i didnt have internet, and here it is :]
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Jan 11, 2010
Alrighty world…. Well today was my first day of classes…. It went pretty damn good ide say. I really like both my instructors so far… they are really funny and just idk wayyyy different than high school teachers. In my math class we just talked about what to expect out of this course and what things we’ll need…. Which kinda sucked for me cuz I need to buy more shit with money I don’t have… :[! But other then that math seems pretty dope… I don’t even have that class next week soooo that makes me smile reallllll big! Lol… k anyways then after math I had a pretty long break so I went to lunch. We have a café here that’s all you can eat and it has everything from Asian cuisine, to pizza, to sandwiches, to chicken, so salads… lol I think you get the point… any way the food is amazing (haha the fat kid in me is coming out!) Anyway I had my lunch there and talked to peesh on the phone and texted with my sis a bit then walked back to my dorm and just kicked it. I played my guitar and what not cuz I still had two hours until my next class…. Then I went to my next class…. WHICH I TOTALLY LOVE! <3!! It teaches you the story behind classical music which may sound boring as hell but its really interesting and I like it… other than the fact that I still have to buy crap for that class too…. Ugh money sucks. Anyway once that class let out I came back to my dorm only to find out that my friend needed her Ethernet cable back soooo……….I HAVE NO INTERNET! Lol im currently typing this on a word document and I’ll copy n paste it once I have the internet again lol… yeah sooo then I went for dinner…. I got some frozen sandwich thing a some chex mix…. Dinner of champs. LOL anywayyyyyyyyyyyy im insanely borrrredd but theres not much to do even when u have someone to kick it with soo that’s annoying and soorrrryyyy for typing this like its to my journal but since im typing it in word that’s just what it feels like I should type it as…. And a billion sorry its theres alota typeos lol I just don’t feel like fixing them….okay well…. Im gunna try to find something else to do to entertain myself….. Bye!
<3 Amber
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Well, haha i just re-read that andddd not too much has changed. Excpet! There is things to do when your chillin with someone, all the stuff i had to buy worked out basically... andddd um yepp. I really like all of the instructors i have. My english teacher is a nut and it makes class fun, my western culture teacher is spacey but he has alot of good theories. and my intro to education teacher is old and tells stories the whole 2 hours and 45 mins soooo its good in my book lol. Yeah, i think thats all i got right now.... :]
<3 Amberrrrrrrrr
OH, P.S
Im not really obsessed with that cafe anymore...
theres not that much variety when u go there everyday lol.
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Jan 11, 2010
Alrighty world…. Well today was my first day of classes…. It went pretty damn good ide say. I really like both my instructors so far… they are really funny and just idk wayyyy different than high school teachers. In my math class we just talked about what to expect out of this course and what things we’ll need…. Which kinda sucked for me cuz I need to buy more shit with money I don’t have… :[! But other then that math seems pretty dope… I don’t even have that class next week soooo that makes me smile reallllll big! Lol… k anyways then after math I had a pretty long break so I went to lunch. We have a café here that’s all you can eat and it has everything from Asian cuisine, to pizza, to sandwiches, to chicken, so salads… lol I think you get the point… any way the food is amazing (haha the fat kid in me is coming out!) Anyway I had my lunch there and talked to peesh on the phone and texted with my sis a bit then walked back to my dorm and just kicked it. I played my guitar and what not cuz I still had two hours until my next class…. Then I went to my next class…. WHICH I TOTALLY LOVE! <3!! It teaches you the story behind classical music which may sound boring as hell but its really interesting and I like it… other than the fact that I still have to buy crap for that class too…. Ugh money sucks. Anyway once that class let out I came back to my dorm only to find out that my friend needed her Ethernet cable back soooo……….I HAVE NO INTERNET! Lol im currently typing this on a word document and I’ll copy n paste it once I have the internet again lol… yeah sooo then I went for dinner…. I got some frozen sandwich thing a some chex mix…. Dinner of champs. LOL anywayyyyyyyyyyyy im insanely borrrredd but theres not much to do even when u have someone to kick it with soo that’s annoying and soorrrryyyy for typing this like its to my journal but since im typing it in word that’s just what it feels like I should type it as…. And a billion sorry its theres alota typeos lol I just don’t feel like fixing them….okay well…. Im gunna try to find something else to do to entertain myself….. Bye!
<3 Amber
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Well, haha i just re-read that andddd not too much has changed. Excpet! There is things to do when your chillin with someone, all the stuff i had to buy worked out basically... andddd um yepp. I really like all of the instructors i have. My english teacher is a nut and it makes class fun, my western culture teacher is spacey but he has alot of good theories. and my intro to education teacher is old and tells stories the whole 2 hours and 45 mins soooo its good in my book lol. Yeah, i think thats all i got right now.... :]
<3 Amberrrrrrrrr
OH, P.S
Im not really obsessed with that cafe anymore...
theres not that much variety when u go there everyday lol.
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Hey College, I like you. ;)
Hello World!
Today is a good day. I moved into my dorm yesterday and so far i really like it. i get my own room which is great cuz i can play the music i want hang whatever pics or posters i want and just idk its a nice change from always sharing a room. :] In about 20 minutes my friend and i are going to see This Is It the Michael Jackson movie... its playing in our movie theater here on campus and its free so why not? Haha yeahh and tonight we are supposed to chill with some other people butttttttt we dont have their numbers soo not sure how thats gunna go lol.
This campus is really nice, very big and very green... a nice change from the constant snow covered ground back home lol. I mean dont get me wrong i LOVE the snow.... but its gets a little old after Christmas lmao. There are a lot of buildings that i dont even know yet but its all good... ill get used to them all soon enough.
Right now im pretty sure someone is either moving in next to me or above me but they are making alot of noise and its quite annoying lol... ill get over it though... so far my building seems pretty cool.... i havent met many people yet but sunday there a mandatory floor meeting so at least ill meet other people from my floor.... yepppp!
Other than all that, monday classes start and im verrrrrrry excited! And thats when I'll write more probs.... laterr!
<3 Amberrrrr
Monday, January 4, 2010
Leaving For School Eve.
Good morning world.
I fell asleep last night having a bit of an anxiety attack. i realize going off to college is a good thing that most people my age do and that if i want to really find who I am and who I want to be that i need to go and do it... but you all have no idea how much like self confidence i lack. I really want to feel and know that I can go to college and I can do a good job and pass all my classes and not fail out... and on top of that i want to know that i wont follow people i get involved with down there i want to try and be a leader.... show people my age you dont need to celebrate things in life with alcohol and drugs.
i dont know, i am just really nervous that on my own i wont be able to make it... its been me and my whole family and all of my friends for all of my life and thats just what im used to and what i have really come to love, being alone for five months is going to be insanely difficult for me... i mean i know i will most likely make friends but none like the friends i have right here at home.
Whenever i try to get all of these mixed feelings out all i get from people is, "amber go for it." or "amber it'll be good for you... something that you should really give a try." i understand all that... i do, but i just want to be reassured that its normal to be nervous and that its okay to be scared being taken out of your normal element.
But then on the complete flip side of all that.... i really want to get outta here... like i dont know how much longer i could take my mom being crazy angry all the time and her and my dad getting into little arguments or lizzy being all upset about it and i dont know i just really need to remove myself from all the negativity here at home. I'm one of those people who is always smiling and always trying to keep others smiling, being around all of this anger makes it hard to keep people happy and i cant handle that...
Anyway, I leave tomorrow morning at 6:30am... needless to say i dont know how i really truly feel... i didnt even think id get this far. Hopefully i'll keep things updated on here and let anyone whos reading know how things turn out for me.
<3
Amber
I fell asleep last night having a bit of an anxiety attack. i realize going off to college is a good thing that most people my age do and that if i want to really find who I am and who I want to be that i need to go and do it... but you all have no idea how much like self confidence i lack. I really want to feel and know that I can go to college and I can do a good job and pass all my classes and not fail out... and on top of that i want to know that i wont follow people i get involved with down there i want to try and be a leader.... show people my age you dont need to celebrate things in life with alcohol and drugs.
i dont know, i am just really nervous that on my own i wont be able to make it... its been me and my whole family and all of my friends for all of my life and thats just what im used to and what i have really come to love, being alone for five months is going to be insanely difficult for me... i mean i know i will most likely make friends but none like the friends i have right here at home.
Whenever i try to get all of these mixed feelings out all i get from people is, "amber go for it." or "amber it'll be good for you... something that you should really give a try." i understand all that... i do, but i just want to be reassured that its normal to be nervous and that its okay to be scared being taken out of your normal element.
But then on the complete flip side of all that.... i really want to get outta here... like i dont know how much longer i could take my mom being crazy angry all the time and her and my dad getting into little arguments or lizzy being all upset about it and i dont know i just really need to remove myself from all the negativity here at home. I'm one of those people who is always smiling and always trying to keep others smiling, being around all of this anger makes it hard to keep people happy and i cant handle that...
Anyway, I leave tomorrow morning at 6:30am... needless to say i dont know how i really truly feel... i didnt even think id get this far. Hopefully i'll keep things updated on here and let anyone whos reading know how things turn out for me.
<3
Amber
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