One Night Camp Trip

Soo last night I went camping with a friend, her sister and her sisters husband. It was an hour drive from here and its was like a completely secluded and kinda sketch. However, the inside was verrrry rustic and adorable. Or so I thought, until a freaking snake comes hanging down from one of the rafters all shiney and slithery. Kelly [my friend] and her sister ran towards the door screaming and actually her sister ran out of the cabin. I just kinda sat there, in shock. I wasnt really scared I was just like creeped out. The only guy there, [the husband], takes a machete and chops the snake down, cutting its head nearly off in the process. It took a while for kellys sister to come back in once the snake was all gone and taken care of but she did come back in. Then to pass time, we played skip-bo, scrabble, and skat. Once it came time for bed, kristen and her husband slept in the rover and kelly and i shared a bed, still slightly terrified that a snake could be somewhere even though we checked the whole entire place like three times. We ended up falling asleep around 3am and woke up at 7am. Once we got all of our stuff together we headed out to go do the zip line and a thing call the "flying squirrel". To get there, Dave thought we should take a shortcut. Well the one we took ended up being more of a long cut. It was a tiny dirt road that was not in as good of shape as it had been when he'd taken it before. We were driving over big rocks, a bunch of uneven ground, and the rover was getting hit with a bunch of branches. At one point we thought a tire had popped because we smelt burning rubber and it kept making really bad sounding sounds. He figured out that it was that the suspension was too low and fix it and we continued to drive. Then we come up on the HUGE mud puddle... but it was more just mud and less puddle. If we had gotten stuck there would have been no way to get out other then to push pretty much. So we drove through it peddle to the metal and swerved our way out. It was pretty fantastic but it got the truck quite dirty. hah. After that we made if back to tar and drove to the school where the activities were. We drove to this little storage house and got our harnesses and helmets than Dave and Kristen showed us how to climb up the tree and get on to the platform for the zip line. I'm dead scared of heights but I wanted to do it because i knew if i didnt id regret it. So kristen went then kelly and then it was supposed to be me. However when kelly went down she unhitched the wrong clip and was dangling by her safety line. [the opening photo]. Kristen and I had to pull her rope so she'd go back up the line, in the process i fell into some rocks but was fine. Then like 4/5 of the way there we tied a second rope onto kelly and i had to climb the tree and bring the rope to dave so he could help fix her and pull her up. While climbing the tree i dropped the rope and had to wait midway up for kristen to climb it and hand it to me so i could hand it to dave. Then I got on the platform and didnt let go of the tree until kelly made it back down the line and brought the rope back for me to be hitched up to. Dave got me hitched up all safe and then I just went for it. It was a lot less scary then i thought it would be, but it also takes a lot more strength than i thought i would too. I couldnt loosen my rope at the bottom for me to get down so kelly and kristen had to come hold my rope and i had to use two hands. it was terrifying. i finially got down and then walked back to the top of the hill and then kristen kelly and dave did this thing called the flying squirrel. it was like 100 feet in the air and i just wasnt down for that. after all that fun we came home. anddd yea, i had more fun then i could have ever imagined!
<3 Amberrrr

Oh Hey, July!

I know I've never really been a regular blogger on here any way, but I have a new addiction that takes even more time away from this lovely blog site. TUMBLR! Honestly, i could use some rehab for it hah. I am constantly looking for pictures of my favorite celebs and crap like that but, idk its nice to let my inner obsessed person out lol. Anyway, lets open up my mind a bit and see what we can find out.
I just looked up when exactly i am supposed to be moving back into my dorm and the date is August 20th. Id like to say I can wait, but I am actually really excited to get back to school and do work/live on my own? Yeahhh i'm missin' school and the 704 hardcore lately. Im just ready to be back.
Other news? Ricky will be on US soil this weekend. Im so happy hes coming home, its going to be like a billion pounds lifted off my whole family's shoulders. And then in August he will be here, like at home. I'm pumped.
Also, Friday I slammed my left middle finger in a car door. My nail is falling off and it feels awkward when i type with it so I apologize for all the typos i am sure im making.
Okay, now the real reason I had the urge to blog.... I WANT TO GET MARRIED!
Like really? WTF? I'm only 19, and on top of that IM NOT EVEN DATING ANYONE! I dont know why but lately all that is on my mind is settling down with a nice guy and building a life with him. I am excited for the dating that leads to a spontaneous and romantic engagement and then a wedding that i'll never forget and then buying a nice little place together and then poppin out kids to raise in the house and them growing up there and making their own memories and gahhhh! Like i honestly have no idea where all this came from but I WANT IT SOON! Alright well... I think I should most likely sleep now. I've had a long and exhausting day.

Peace Out Blogspot!
<3 Amber

One Month Later.

Hey Blog World.
So if you have been keeping up with my posts, you may have taken note that i have been home for a month now. And maybe you're wondering, hows home? do you miss school? are you going back? what have you done in a month? is it still an annoying place? Well... I can answer most of those questions, or at least i can try.
Home is and will always be my favorite place on Earth, however NO ONE should stay at home forever. I love it here, but I don't love being here 24/7. I feel like i have no freedom when I'm home and freedom is something all young people should embrace. We need to live and learn, make mistakes and succeed on our own. Thats extremely hard to do when you're stuck at home most days of the week, hanging out on a laptop. And of course i miss school. Not just being in school and taking classes, but i miss my friends, the campus, Charlotte in general. I can't go to Concord Mills here. I can't get Bojangles. I can't ride around in paco and take random weekend trips to Lexington. I can't just lay down if i don't want to do anything. I cant even schedule my own day. Everything depends on everyone else. Its extremely hard to go from asking to do everything, to being your own person and doing whatever you want, then back to asking to do everything. I am 100% looking forward to this fall. I cannot wait to be back there. However, more not so swell news. I am not one of those kids whose parents can just pay for everything. I need financial aid and a crap ton of loans if i want to get back there. On top of that... all of this money has to be in by August 18th. I have no idea how this is going to work. My biggest fear is not being able to go back to school. I love home and everyone here so much, but I know that North Carolina is where I need to be if i ever want to have a career and grow into an adult.
Conflicting and stressful feelings aside... this month has been alright. I've gotten to go out with my friends just about every night. However that in itself has been annoying. Not hanging out with my friends, just the process of making plans and someone always claiming to not care and then make a big deal of things and make everyone else annoyed or angry. No names will be named but if you know who i am and youre reading this your most likely know who and what things im talking about. Aside from friends, ive gotten to hang out with my sister a lot, and my brother Jimmy graduated! I start work back at my old job Friday, so i'll be making some money to save for the fall. And thats basically my month in a nutshell.
I think i answered all of the hypothetical questions i created, but if youre reading this and you have any more, PLEASE ask in a comment. I like to know people have read this and I also like to know what people think. I suppose I should go search the net for scholarships and loans now. Until next post America!

<33
Amber.

In My Life

So I know I just wrote a post yesterday, but it got sloppy and off topic towards the end, my apologies. I have been sitting in my room, on my bed since 2pm listening to In My Life by The Beatles. I think it is safe to say, I'm completely and utterly in love with this song. The way it sounds, their voices, the mood, and mainly the lyrics. It's just so easy to relate to and I don't know, I just can't stop listening to it. If you have never heard this song, it's in my playlist on this website. I highly recommend listening to it at least once. And if you have heard it, would you agree with me about its beauty? It just makes me think of all memories and friends from the past and kind of appreciate all the things I've done even though I've only been on this earth for 19 short years. I've had the pleasure of meeting so many different people, some that I've grown to love... others that I could be content with never seeing again. I've been to like half or more than half of the Untied States, most of which when I was younger and this really helped to me get an understanding of people outside of just my home. I don't know, I am just thankful for every memory I have with every person/place/thing I have one with, good or bad. I guess this song just kind of helps me appreciate life for what it is. And of course... here are the lyrics:
There are places I remember
All my life though some have changed
Some forever not for better
Some have gone and some remain
All these places had their moments
With lovers and friends I still can recall
Some are dead and some are living
In my life I've loved them all

But of all these friends and lovers
There is no one compares with you
And these memories lose their meaning
When I think of love as something new
Though I know I'll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I'll often stop and think about them
In my life I love you more

Though I know I'll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I'll often stop and think about them
In my life I love you more
In my life I love you more

So there they are, please take a listen and let me know if it has any sort of the same effect on you... or what kind effect if any it has that may be different.
As always, thanks for reading my thoughts :]

<333
Amber

Fool, you trippin.

As I write this, only 10 days separate me from returning home. Now i know if you have read previous blog posts, home didn't seem to be the happiest place on earth, but its still home and i love it with all of my heart. I miss my family and friends oh so much and I cannot wait to be reunited!
I haven't technically started finals yet. I had my last math test monday but since it was an 0900 class we got to take our final early in case we failed and needed to take it on the real final day. Thankfully i passed that.
On friday I have both my intro to education final, and my western culture final. Then on monday [5/10] i have my Music: Arts and Society final, and on thursday [5/13] i have my English final then I move out that friday[5/14] and head home that saturday[5/15]!
I am so excited, but at the same time, now i am going to be missing other friends too. I have met some really great people here and ima miss them like crazy! i have definitely made some besties here. :]
But they're here right now sooo i'll right more next week.

Kbye!
<3 Amber

Food For Thought...

How many of you LOVE seafood? How about steak? Chicken? Burgers? Bacon? Tasty right? Well, I'm thinking about becoming vegetarian, including seafood/fish.
Tonight I watched the documentary "The Cove". Talk about making you think! This documentary focuses on the dolphins being slaughtered in Taiji, Japan. The dolphins are forced to shore then dolphin trainers go in the water and choose the one they want to be at their aquatic arena. The rest of the dolphins are taken to the other side of that cove and stabbed repeatedly with spears and then dragged on to the boats to be butchered and sold in Japanese stores as whale meat. Not only is the murder of these mammals tragic, but the meat that is being sold contains highly toxic levels of mercury.
At one point in the film a Japanese fisherman is quoted in saying, "this is our culture. you americans kill cows to eat, we kill dolphins." That quote really got me thinking. We do kill a crap ton of cows and pigs and chickens and turkeys and sea life but most of us see nothing wrong with that. Its the natural order of the food chain. But when I just stop and think about it, I would hate it if there were some species higher than humans and they would just come and choose the meaty people and kill them, you know? After that quote was said in the movie, they went to the streets of Japan. People were asked if they knew about the dolphin harvest. No one had a clue. That was one difference, we are aware we are killing animals... Taiji and other Japanese citizens are unaware of their killings.
Now, I know it is extreme to want to cut out all those things in my diet just because of one documentary... but I really want to. I just don't know if I'd really be able to stick to it. Cutting out seafood would not be hard at all because I don't like seafood. Last summer I cut out everything except chicken and turkey. So I guess I can look at it as me taking last summer just one step further. I'm sure in a future blog you'll find out what I chose.
Until then you can check out this website: http://www.takepart.com/thecove
It explains what is/was happening and what anyone can do to help.
Thanks for reading! :]

<3
Amberrr

Spring Break 2010

Hello World!
Its 2:28am right now and yet I felt compelled to write a blog for you lovely people that read this!
This week was my spring break. I didn't go to some exotic island. I didn't got to vegas, or atlantic city. I didn't go home. In fact I stayed right here at my school. However, a piece of home came to me. :]
My sister flew from Maine to North Carolina last sunday, just to come hang out with boring old me! I spent most of last friday and saturday cleaning up my room and doing laundry, so my room would be presentable... [not that it wasnt but i mean there was going to be more than one person living here now]. I got a text at about 11:30am sunday morning from Lizzy saying she had just gotten into the taxi and was on her way here! I was sooo excited! Once she was pulling into campus i had her give me a call so that I could meet her down there and help her with her luggage. However when I got down there she only had like one thing, [idk its not a briefcase lol but the case of luggage?]
That day we just pretty much chilled here. The next day we went to get lunch and she got some picture of campus, and we took a trip to good ol' wally world. It was fun to be able to shop normally. I always went on random trips to wal-mart or the grocery store with Lizzy before I came here so it felt reallllly good being able to do that again. On the way back from Wal-Mart our taxi driver dropped us off like a billion feet away from my dorm because he went in the back way and it was closed... so we walked carrying bags and a 24 pack of Aquafina at least a mile... and it waas mainly uphill, lol it sucked. But we did it, and thank goodness it was nice out or else that walk would have reealllyyyy sucked a lot lol.
Then wednesday we went out again because it was a lovely 70 degrees outside! We walked around campus a little more and she got more photos and so did I, and we also did some shopping at the bookstore and watched a movie in the campus theater. It was a very fun and productive day! :]
The next day it was crap weather and we just chilled in my room... lol it was definitely a lazy day but it was a good one! I love being able to do nothing but still have fun you know?
Thursday we did go out, even thought it was raining a little bit... we went to go see Planet 51 at the campus theater... it was a cute movie. Then again we came here and just kicked it. :]
Today I slept in late. Lol, Lizzy got up at like 10am but she didnt wake me, so we didnt do anything until about 3pm-ish. She wanted to get something for my mom and dad so we walked back to the bookstore and she picked out their gifts and I got some gifts too. I got Jimmy a nalgene bottle that days 49ers on it, and its spill proof. And i got my dad a Bobby Flay cookbook, because thats his fav chef. I also got myself the book Push. It is the book that the movie Precious is made after. Then once we got back here, lizzy started packing. Its weird because it feels like the whole week went by just as fast as I typed it.
Right now Lizzy is sleeping, or trying to... I have to wake her up in 9 minutes so she can get all of her things together and double check everything then head to the airport... This week was so much fun and its like a tease of what i'm missing at home. I miss being able to just kick it with my sister, even if it means watching American Idol [a show which i do not like]. I'm going to be really sad watching her taxi drive off but I know it'll be all set because its already march... may will come in no time. Ill get to see both her and my dad, and then once i get home I'll get to see my mom and jimmy too! [and of course all of my besties!] I miss everyone at home so much, but i know being here is good for me.
This week may not have been very eventful, but it was the best week i've had here.
I love my sister so much!!! I hope she had as good of a time as i did. :]

-Amberrrrr

Hallelujah {Paramore}

{Somehow everything's gonna fall right into place
If we only had a way to make it all fall faster everyday
If only time flew like a dove
Well God, make it fly faster than I'm falling in love

This time we're not giving up
Let's make it last forever
Screaming "hallelujah"
We'll make it last forever

Holding onto patience wearing thin
I can't force these eyes to see the end
If only time flew like a dove
We could watch it fly and just keep looking up

This time we're not giving up
Let's make it last forever
Screaming "hallelujah"
We'll make it last forever

And we've got time on our hands
(We've got time) Got nothing but time on our hands
Got nothing but, got nothing but
(We've got time) Got nothing but time on our hands

This time we're not giving up
Oh, let's make it last forever
Screaming "hallelujah" (hallelujah)
Hallelujah}

I love this song a whole lot. [if you want to hear it, find it on my playlist lol]
This blog doesnt really have a whole huge meaningful thing behind it, this song just makes me happy, and I wanted to share it with yall.

<3
Amberrrrrrrrr
[ps its my birthday!]

Inspiration. Want it? Need it?

So lately (like the past two or three-ish days) I have been feeling inspired to do something but I just dont know what it is I want to do. I've been listening to songs that have such conviction behind them and you can tell these people were clearly moved or touched or INSPIRED to make the song and the point comes across so clear and that is the kind of music I respect and love.
[Stand Up -Flobots]
[Keep Quiet -BarlowGirl]
[Hands Held High -Linkin Park]
[Money Parade -CYNE]
[Hero -Superchick]
[Love is Blind -Eve]
[Youth of the Nation -P.O.D]
Just to name a few.
Those songs are beyond lyrically genius. They make you think, and feel, and think more and I would love to be able to create something so moving, idk if moving is even the right word.. something so in your face but in a good way.
That makes me think, well I'm good at taking picture... but how can I take a picture that literally says 1000 words? I dont think I could ever compete with photos like this:

photo cred [photobucket user: vince11881]

photo cred [SOS Childrens Villages]

photo cred [Pierre Holtz, UNICEF]

photo cred [unknown]
Well, looking at those I can see what pulls at my heart and what I want to help with but I just dont know how or what I can do.
I plan on joining the Peace Corps after I graduate from college and I know that I want to, if not start a charity, be very active in donating to/helping in anyway possible with things like:
ONE.[www.ONE.org]
Can't Ignore the Poor. [www.myspace.com/cantignorethepoor]
Invisible Children. [www.invisiblechildren.com]
And hopefully more.
So, I'm not sure if this even says what I am feeling or anything I was planning on... to be honest I got distracted finding the pictures because there are soooooooo many... some I almost cried at... and yall know I dont cry. Anyway... I want to HELP. And I really hope that I find a way to do more then just blog about it.
Thanks for checking this out, and please check out the websites i listed and listen to the songs.

-Amber

"And then long after they escape that tunnel, they still be shining for everybody else."

-Clarice Precious Jones.

You ever think that its weird how sometimes it takes a movie made in Hollywood for us to just stop and think and look at whats happening in the world?

Tonight I watched the movie Precious. I knew when I saw the trailer for it, that it would hit something inside me that I just couldn't explain. This movie made me laugh, think, cry, angry, and depressed... but I absolutely loved it. Apart from the wonderful acting, (and I really mean wonderful, I never thought I could hate Mo'Nique but I really wanted to hit her because she played the mother so well), I know that there are girls out there everywhere who are going through or have gone through or who haven't made it through everything Precious goes through in this movie. Actually I'm pretty positive that there are people who could have gone through even worse situations. That really just breaks my heart. I can't think of one person who deserves to be beaten, raped, told they are dumb and incapable of learning, blamed for getting raped and made to feel bad about it. I don't even know if that last sentence made sense, but just those things mentioned no one should have to go through... NO ONE!
Even apart from the physical things people are put through, this movie brings up an other huge issue that everyday people deal with, self image. At one point Precious says she wished she was light skinned with long hair and really skinny... her teacher tells her thats not real beauty and that she is beautiful... and eventually she believes it. But theres and other part where she is doing her hair in the mirror and she see herself as the super skinny light skinned girl with long hair. At that point in the movie I just wanted to give her a huge hug! A few scenes later and guy calls her "orca" and then she gets pushed onto the ground. Theres an other scene where she writes the letter F on the black board and an other girls says "F for FAT". Precious smacks her in the side of the head, (which I totally think the girl deserved... thats just plain rude)!
Anyway the point to the self image rant is just how it makes me think about all the people who go through that, the fact that I deal with that myself. I know I am not at a healthy weight for myself and that I am out of shape. I also know my teeth are perfectly strait and that yes, my hair is kinda frizzy... but you know what... when it comes down to it I'm 100% okay with who I am. I have beauty that is deeper than that, even if that sounds super corny. I am funny, I care for ever single person I meet, and I am intelligent and in my book that makes me beautiful. :] Also I'm currently listening to Mirror by BarlowGirl on repeat right now and I'm going to share the lyrics with you:
Mirror mirror on the wall, have I got it?
'Cause mirror you've always told me..
Who I am. I'm finding it's not easy
To be perfect

So sorry, you won't define me
Sorry, you don't own me
Who are you to tell me that I am less than what I should be?!

Who are you?
Who are you?

Yeah, yeah
I don't need to listen to the list of things I should do
I won't try. No no no, I won't try

Mirror I am seeing a new reflection
I'm looking into the eyes of he who made me
And to him I am beauty beyond compare
I know, he defines me. Yeah yeah

Who are you to tell me that I am less than what I should be?
Who are you?
Who are you?
Yeah, yeah!

I don't need to listen to the list of things I should do
I won't try, no, I won't try
You don't define me
You don't define me
You don't define me
You don't define me

Who are you to tell me that I'm less than what I should be?
Who are you?
Who are you?
Yeah, yeah!

I don't need to listen to the list of things I should do
I won't try, No
I won't try
Yeah, yeah

Who are you to tell me I'm less than what I should be?
Who are you?
Who are you..?
Yeah, yeah!
I don't need to listen to the list of the things I should do
I won't try, no, I won't try
I think this song could do wonders for anyone struggling with self image issues, because its true. No mirror can define anyone, only you can define yourself. Everyone is beautiful, period.
To sum up this blog, that is way longer and not quite was I was going for, I send my heart, love, and prayers to anyone who is out in this world and feels worthless or unloved. No one deserves to feel like that or to be treated like that. Every single person matters and I wish I could tell that to anyone who feels that way. I wish I could help anyone struggling to just make it through the day. And to be honest, it would help me. Help me see that even if I complain about things that are happening in my life... I have a place to call home. I have a family that loves me. I have so many things I take for granted... and I wish I could share all of that with anyone who doesn't.
So thank you to Sapphire for writing the book Push, and thank you to Lee Daniels for directing the movie. You guys have really opened my eyes and inspired me to be something great. Thank You.

Okay,
Good night :]

<33 Amber

A little late, but here it is!

Hey guys, sorry I havent blogged in a while... I wrote one a word document like two weeks ago when i didnt have internet, and here it is :]
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Jan 11, 2010
Alrighty world…. Well today was my first day of classes…. It went pretty damn good ide say. I really like both my instructors so far… they are really funny and just idk wayyyy different than high school teachers. In my math class we just talked about what to expect out of this course and what things we’ll need…. Which kinda sucked for me cuz I need to buy more shit with money I don’t have… :[! But other then that math seems pretty dope… I don’t even have that class next week soooo that makes me smile reallllll big! Lol… k anyways then after math I had a pretty long break so I went to lunch. We have a café here that’s all you can eat and it has everything from Asian cuisine, to pizza, to sandwiches, to chicken, so salads… lol I think you get the point… any way the food is amazing (haha the fat kid in me is coming out!) Anyway I had my lunch there and talked to peesh on the phone and texted with my sis a bit then walked back to my dorm and just kicked it. I played my guitar and what not cuz I still had two hours until my next class…. Then I went to my next class…. WHICH I TOTALLY LOVE! <3!! It teaches you the story behind classical music which may sound boring as hell but its really interesting and I like it… other than the fact that I still have to buy crap for that class too…. Ugh money sucks. Anyway once that class let out I came back to my dorm only to find out that my friend needed her Ethernet cable back soooo……….I HAVE NO INTERNET! Lol im currently typing this on a word document and I’ll copy n paste it once I have the internet again lol… yeah sooo then I went for dinner…. I got some frozen sandwich thing a some chex mix…. Dinner of champs. LOL anywayyyyyyyyyyyy im insanely borrrredd but theres not much to do even when u have someone to kick it with soo that’s annoying and soorrrryyyy for typing this like its to my journal but since im typing it in word that’s just what it feels like I should type it as…. And a billion sorry its theres alota typeos lol I just don’t feel like fixing them….okay well…. Im gunna try to find something else to do to entertain myself….. Bye!
<3 Amber
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Well, haha i just re-read that andddd not too much has changed. Excpet! There is things to do when your chillin with someone, all the stuff i had to buy worked out basically... andddd um yepp. I really like all of the instructors i have. My english teacher is a nut and it makes class fun, my western culture teacher is spacey but he has alot of good theories. and my intro to education teacher is old and tells stories the whole 2 hours and 45 mins soooo its good in my book lol. Yeah, i think thats all i got right now.... :]

<3 Amberrrrrrrrr

OH, P.S
Im not really obsessed with that cafe anymore...
theres not that much variety when u go there everyday lol.

Hey College, I like you. ;)

Hello World!
Today is a good day. I moved into my dorm yesterday and so far i really like it. i get my own room which is great cuz i can play the music i want hang whatever pics or posters i want and just idk its a nice change from always sharing a room. :] In about 20 minutes my friend and i are going to see This Is It the Michael Jackson movie... its playing in our movie theater here on campus and its free so why not? Haha yeahh and tonight we are supposed to chill with some other people butttttttt we dont have their numbers soo not sure how thats gunna go lol.
This campus is really nice, very big and very green... a nice change from the constant snow covered ground back home lol. I mean dont get me wrong i LOVE the snow.... but its gets a little old after Christmas lmao. There are a lot of buildings that i dont even know yet but its all good... ill get used to them all soon enough.
Right now im pretty sure someone is either moving in next to me or above me but they are making alot of noise and its quite annoying lol... ill get over it though... so far my building seems pretty cool.... i havent met many people yet but sunday there a mandatory floor meeting so at least ill meet other people from my floor.... yepppp!
Other than all that, monday classes start and im verrrrrrry excited! And thats when I'll write more probs.... laterr!
<3 Amberrrrr

Leaving For School Eve.

Good morning world.
I fell asleep last night having a bit of an anxiety attack. i realize going off to college is a good thing that most people my age do and that if i want to really find who I am and who I want to be that i need to go and do it... but you all have no idea how much like self confidence i lack. I really want to feel and know that I can go to college and I can do a good job and pass all my classes and not fail out... and on top of that i want to know that i wont follow people i get involved with down there i want to try and be a leader.... show people my age you dont need to celebrate things in life with alcohol and drugs.
i dont know, i am just really nervous that on my own i wont be able to make it... its been me and my whole family and all of my friends for all of my life and thats just what im used to and what i have really come to love, being alone for five months is going to be insanely difficult for me... i mean i know i will most likely make friends but none like the friends i have right here at home.
Whenever i try to get all of these mixed feelings out all i get from people is, "amber go for it." or "amber it'll be good for you... something that you should really give a try." i understand all that... i do, but i just want to be reassured that its normal to be nervous and that its okay to be scared being taken out of your normal element.
But then on the complete flip side of all that.... i really want to get outta here... like i dont know how much longer i could take my mom being crazy angry all the time and her and my dad getting into little arguments or lizzy being all upset about it and i dont know i just really need to remove myself from all the negativity here at home. I'm one of those people who is always smiling and always trying to keep others smiling, being around all of this anger makes it hard to keep people happy and i cant handle that...
Anyway, I leave tomorrow morning at 6:30am... needless to say i dont know how i really truly feel... i didnt even think id get this far. Hopefully i'll keep things updated on here and let anyone whos reading know how things turn out for me.

<3
Amber